Women’s Self-Defence: Confidence, Boundaries and Practical Skills

Simon Kenny

By Simon Kenny

Many of the women who come to me for coaching want to feel more confident. They want to feel less afraid, more empowered and better equipped to protect themselves if someone threatens or assaults them.

For some, that comes from worrying about what might happen. For others, it comes from something that already has.

I currently coach several female clients, and each brings different experiences and goals. My job starts with listening, then helping them develop practical skills at a pace they feel comfortable with.

It starts with a conversation

Before we do anything physical, we talk.

What would you like to learn? What do you hope to gain? What brought you to the session?

Sometimes that conversation leads to someone sharing a difficult experience. Sometimes it doesn’t. There is no obligation to explain your history or tell me anything you would rather keep private. You can tell me what you want to work on without having to justify why.

You also don’t need to arrive feeling confident. Helping you become more comfortable is part of the coaching.

Your boundaries matter during training

A self-defence session should give you opportunities to practise making choices and setting boundaries.

If I’m going to demonstrate something involving contact, I ask whether you’re comfortable with it. That includes asking before placing my hands somewhere to explain a position or movement.

Agreeing to one exercise doesn’t mean agreeing to everything that follows. You can ask questions, pause or say that you would prefer to work on something else.

If coming alone feels daunting, you’re welcome to bring a friend for support, free of charge.

We work on more than hitting

Physical skills are one part of my approach. We also discuss situational and environmental awareness: noticing what is happening around you, understanding the space you’re in and recognising where you could move to get away.

Distance matters. We explore how to maintain space, avoid being backed into a corner and use the hands as a barrier or “fence” while communicating a boundary.

That gives us a practical starting point for discussing voice, positioning and movement together.

None of this means a person who is assaulted failed to notice something or respond correctly. Responsibility always lies with the person committing the assault. Training is about developing more options.

We have to be realistic about physical differences

I won’t promise that a few techniques will allow you to overcome anyone.

An attacker may be considerably bigger, stronger or more powerful than you. Skill matters, but it doesn’t remove those differences or make an unpredictable situation safe.

I apply that realism to myself. I’m an experienced martial artist, but I would never assume my training guarantees that I could control a much larger, aggressive man.

That shapes what I teach. We work on practical striking options, including palm strikes and elbows, while discussing the demands and limitations of using them. We don’t assume that making a technique work once in a cooperative demonstration means it will work under pressure.

The purpose is to develop useful skills alongside honest judgement.

Resistance increases gradually

We build things up.

An exercise might begin on a bag, progress to pads and then involve me as a resisting training partner. The progression depends on the person, the skill and what they’re comfortable doing.

As resistance increases, you get a clearer sense of what happens when someone moves, pushes back or doesn’t simply allow a technique to work.

You have room to make mistakes, ask questions and try again. I want you to understand what you’re doing and develop confidence through practice.

An article or a demonstration can introduce an idea. Developing a physical skill takes coached practice.

Getting away is the priority

The aim of self-defence is to get out of the situation.

That might mean creating distance, moving towards an exit, attracting help or using a physical action to create an opportunity to escape. The circumstances will differ, and there is no single response that guarantees safety.

We keep returning to the same question: does this help you get away?

There is no expectation that you stay and prove you can fight.

Confidence develops through experience

Some women begin training feeling hesitant about hitting pads or being assertive. As they practise, I often see them become more decisive, strike with greater commitment and feel more comfortable taking up space.

Those changes matter. So does being able to say, “I’m not comfortable with that,” and knowing it will be respected.

There is no requirement to become a different person. We work from where you are.

You don’t have to be “ready” to start

“I’m too small.”

“I’m too unfit.”

“I’m too nervous.”

I understand how those thoughts can hold someone back. I’ve been told I’m too old. At 57, I still train, coach and compete. Age alone doesn’t describe what I’m capable of.

Your starting point helps us decide how to approach training. It doesn’t disqualify you from learning.

That is central to Beyond Human: don’t let a label close a door before you’ve had the opportunity to explore what you can do.

Train with me at SBG Manchester

I offer 60-minute private coaching sessions at SBG Manchester, adapted to your experience, comfort and goals.

You can start with no previous martial arts experience. You don’t need to share personal information you would rather keep private, and you’re welcome to bring a friend for support.